It’s a banner day here on the Dirty, the Patriots are in TWO of my stories!!  And they are both dirty!

First up, although we’d have a better chance of learning the secret formula for Coca Cola than finding out what really went down in the TomKat divorce, I do have this to report – Katie is happy!  Sources say “she won and is very happy.  Very happy.  She can move on and finally live her life.”

Sources tell TMZ that 6-year-old Suri is the reason it all happened so quickly, they didn’t want her to suffer.  I think more parents should take note here.  Keep your petty crap to yourself – isn’t the kids fault you can’t keep it together.

Katie is already shooting a new movie, and since Tom isn’t around anymore, none of her scenes will get cut.  Yeah!

Moving on…  ESPN puts out an issue every year called the Body Issue.  I had no idea this existed.  I do now.  Holy hell.  The cover boy is our very own party boy – Rob ”yo soy fiesta” Gronkowski.  He is wearing a set of Hulk type fake hands and nothing else.  A strategically placed  sticker is all that keeps us from the full monty.  Click for pics.  You are welcome.

My man Robert Kraft is making the news as well.  Now, I am a huge fan of Bob.  I think that if he’s ready to move on, you go boy.  However, there is a line between looking fine with a hot piece on your arm and just looking desperate and sad, and Bob, you’ve hopped clean over that line.  It seems his “pal”  Ricki Noel Lander  was auditioning for the role of “Mary Elena” in something that requires her to be in a bikini.  Obvs.  However, for some reason, Mr. Kraft hops on-screen to help her out in running lines.  It’s bad.  So bad.  He needs an intervention.  Bob, she can be hot, but she needs to be smart and you need to keep it classy.  Incase you aren’t understanding, she’s neither.

watch?v=jznib08T-dQ

Finally, if you didn’t get enough of the movie Magic Mike, or you don’t feel comfortable going to Ladies Night at the Sweat Shack, you might be able to get up close and personal with half-naked men in the name of THEATER!   That’s right friends, Channing Tatum wants to bring his brand of sexy to the Great White Way!   Sources say: