In a completely non-shocking development to most people on the planet Earth, Lindsay Lohan is once again in hot water with law enforcement officials. You might think she and said officials would be fast friends by now, but alas, this appears not to be the case. Apparently, Lindsay punched another woman in the face early Thursday morning (around 4 AM) in a New York club. The woman she punched was named Tiffany Eve Mitchell, a relatively well known psychic, of all people. You would have thought she could have seen the blow coming…but I digress. Ms. Mitchell asked to do a reading for Ms. Lohan, and Ms. Lohan declined in a manner that was not as polite as perhaps it could have been. Anyway, one thing led to another, and Mitchell (allegedly) ended up on the wrong side of Lohan’s fist. The whole thing is a huge mess, just like the rest of Lindsay’s life. She should just do us all a favor and find some way to marry into the Kardashian family; that way, America can keep all of its most heinous dysfunction safely under one roof and (hopefully) away from the rest of us normal people.

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