The Oscars went down last night, and, all anyone cares about is who looked good, who looked bad and who did what in the bathroom. Lindsay Lohan wasn’t there, so the only bathroom story is the major leak that happened right before the curtain went up. Swear. It was like they were at an old frat house after the annual jello-fest party. A toilet caused a water pipe to burst and it flooded the lobby. Seriously. No word on who did what to said toilet, but the ladies in the long dresses were told to “hike em up” as they crossed the river of sewage in the lobby of the Dolby Theater. Can you imagine being one of the minimum wage employees standing around the flooded parts of the lobby asking Ms. Streep to “hike up her dress’? Hell no.
So let’s break this down into some categories to make it easier to digest. Oh yeah, and at the bottom you will find the picture that has everyone convinced a baby announcement coming.
I thought there were quite a few well dressed ladies on the red carpet, but these two were my favorite.
Jennifer Lawrence is just adorable. She looked so elegant but at the same time approachable. The kind of girl who can walk the red carpet and then do shots afterward without spilling anything on her dress. And even when she does fall – she looks adorable.
Speaking of adorable, let’s flashback to Marisa Tomei’s win many years ago and her little stumble up the stairs.
Charlize Theron makes that silly haircut look amazing. I mean the woman would look glamorous wearing a burlap sack after she had spent three days in the mountains with no sleep and only the water saved in leaves for sustenance. Well, you get the idea.
Brandi Glanville – who invited you? Was RHOBH nominated for something? You are right Brandi, money doesn’t buy you class, it just buys you more money. I hear she was available later for VIP dances in the Champagne Room where you left unfulfilled with a copy of her new book.
Melissa McCarthy – why do girls who have a little size feel like they have to wear tarps? I feel like this is one of the dresses the Sweeney Sisters wore in those old SNL skits, just bigger. It is not flattering in any way shape or form. Your stylist should be taken out back.
Things I Don’t Know What To Do With
Adele was a big step up from the upholstery she wore to the Grammy’s, but it just made her look old. Adele you are only 24 – dress like it!
Lots of folks are loving Sally Fields dress. I am not one of them. It looks like the underneath of my prom dress from 1989. Like something a doll would wear. I hated it. She looks so great, I just didn’t like the dress…
Speaking of Prom
A couple of people dressed like they were going to prom..
And Jennifer Anniston, same thing. However, it’s this picture that has people saying she must be PREGGO! Why else would Justin be putting his hand on her belly in such a fashion, and, she’s glowing. For realz. Do I buy this? Hell I don’t know, I always guess wrong. I think they just have a huge wedding planned and are looking forward to sneaking that past all of us. Oh, that, and the fact that Angelina’s leg wasn’t there.
Just Because You Are Going To The Oscars Doesn’t Mean You Have To Dress Like One…
I’m talking to you Renee and Catherine…
And, The Dress EVERYONE Hated, Except Me.
I am not a fan of Anne Hathaway. Her win was the biggest non-story of the night. The fact that she didn’t talk for long enough to get the Jaws music floors me, but I digress. People hated this dress. This dress had its own Twitter name @HathawayNipple and fostered other hash-tags like #LesNipplerables. I’m sorry, but I love this dress. If I could fit my curvy ass into it, I would wear it to the Stop and Shop. And those really weren’t the nipples, it was the way the dress was cut, I mean really people. But that’s why Kelly Osbourne is the expert and I’m sitting here.