By: Eric Donnelly
There’s an interesting — at first glance, basic? — batch of potential suitors who are all MUCH YOUNGER than The Bachelor himself. A lot of the girl’s interests cross as well: tattoos, dolphins, Olivia Pope, and pineapples.
Lots of people aren’t thrilled about Nick being the Bachelor, but let’s be real watching Ben Higgins was like witnessing a train-wreck each week. After being canned by Andi Dorfman while picking out her ring (surprise! her and Josh didn’t work out) and then rejected by Kaitlyn Bristowe, not even a stint on Bachelor In Paradise offered him any hope. Who knows, maybe the 4th time’s a charm. Is Nick Viall unlovable?
Let’s dig into these girls to see if there are any potential matches!
Alexis: Has a mustache AND she’s from New Jersey
Angela: Not into immature guys, so she’s in for a rude awakening
Astrid: Obsessed with Real Housewives…her tagline would probs be “I may work in plastic surgery, but I’m 100% real!”
Briana: Thinks pineapples are “Hawaiian” despite being native to Brazil
Brittany: The only chick brave enough to wear an aggressive choker in her head-shot
Christen: The Michaele Salahi of the group, wants to break into the White House — let’s hope she’s just as crazy!
Corinne: Embarassing human. Praying she’ll pull a Jillian from Chris’ season and slip on the carpet while trying to accept a rose that was called for someone else
Danielle L. Loves The Notebook, Chrissy Teigen, and Olivia Pope, so probably Uggs, Pumpkin Spice Lattes and big scarves too
Danielle M.: If she could, she’d break a law that’s not even an actual law
Dominique: As an active Tinder user she’s no stranger to guys like Nick
Elizabeth “Liz”: Claims she’d be very happy “if she never had to kill someone,” but she slept with Nick before the show at Jade & Tanner’s wedding so she probs wants to kill herself
Elizabeth: Will hopefully utter the phrase “There’s so many attenion-seekers here, it’s so tragic” on camera
Hailey: Looks just like Lace Morris from Ben’s season. Let’s hope she’s just as psychotic!
Ida Marie: Can’t sing to save her life, so she would want to be Selena Gomez — of all people — to belt out a tune?
Jaimi: Follows a Pesco-pollo-lacto-ovo-paro-tarian diet, making vegans everywhere look simple.
Jasmine B.: Thank god we got one contestant who is incredibly self-aware. “I know I’m attractive and have a lot of great qualities.”
Jasmine G.: Irrelevant because she wants to be Guy Fieri for a day
Josephine: Appears to be The Bachelor reincarnation of Vienna Girardi, claims her height is 5’7 3/4″ *eyeroll 3/4*, and wins for the best occupational title (Unemployed Nurse). This girl is a gift from heaven. Her responses and interests seem quite intelligent, so why is she on this show?!
Kristina: Wants to be Fiona, too bad she missed Juan Pablo’s season
Lacey: The only person who can appreciate DNCE’s new album beyond “Cake By The Ocean”
Lauren: Seems very promising because she thinks “Utah” is a state park
Michelle: Gauging her personality from her answers is more confusing than why her lace-up neckline top is missing the lace?????
Olivia: Doesn’t seem to be the strongest public speaker so can’t wait to see how that plays out on national televison
Rachel: The oldest contestant who is still 5-years younger than Nick
Raven: Easily impressed, prime target for Nick’s lack of chivalry / charm
Sarah: Unknowingly made a Nelly Furtado reference in her answers
Susannah: Watches Lip Sync Battle solely for Chrissy Teigen’s commentary
Taylor: “Who is your favorite clothes designer? Forever 21″ Need I say more?
Vanessa: She’s afraid of hurting people’s feelings…best of luck competing for a guy!!
Whitney: The Boston favorite since she loves Tom Brady & Gisele